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Article - Eating With Your Anorexic

What Laura Collins would tell you over coffee

What Laura Collins would tell you over coffee
(and a slice of baklava!)

  • Take the time to recognize and accept that an eating disorder is serious and life-threatening. It is not just going to go away.
  • For the present, and for a long while to come, life must be structured around the recovery, and not the other way around.
  • It’s not your fault. It’s not your child’s fault. What counts is how you react, not how you got there.
  • Treat the disease as an alien parasite that can be overcome but is not to be bargained with.
  • Food is medicine. The prescription is full nutrition, consumed and digested, every meal of every day.
  • It’s not negotiable. Similar to insulin levels for a diabetic and chemotherapy dosages for a cancer patient, the amount a healthy body needs to eat is not negotiable. Do not bargain, do not give in.
  • Don’t wait. Every meal, every day, all your life, starting right now.
  • Declare an anger-free, guilt-free, shame-free zone in your lives. Live there.
  • Do not give shelter to starvation, malnutrition, purging, self-harm, depressed, thinking, or meanness. Make your home a safe place to be healthy.
  • Weigh lightly. Weight is an imperfect and tricky measure of health but up or down trends have meaning. Do it rarely, and randomly, and avoid making a fuss.
  • Set boundaries and maintain them. Do not allow the disease to rewrite history, rule the present, or set terms for the future.
  • It is not forcing them to eat, it is letting them eat and live.
  • Consider the family as a whole in making care decisions.
  • Listen, but you don’t have to agree.
  • There is nothing to argue about. Period.
  • Be specific about your needs. “A casserole a week.” “Babysitting while we go to the therapist.” “Listen to me cry.”
  • Surround yourself with people who support your family and your decisions. Listen to them.
  • Believe in your family, flaws and all. Trust your bravest instincts if the advice you hear does not fit.
  • Love your child all you can, with every parental muscle you have. Feel free to hate the disease, however.
  • Eat together. Allow your meals to be a celebration, a priority, and not an extra chore. Enjoy shopping, cooking, eating, and cleaning up together. Lose the things that get in the way.
  • Eat with your anorexic.

 

Excerpted from "Eating With Your Anorexic" (McGraw-Hill, 2005) by Laura Collins
Laura's Blog


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